Raising Roaches For Fun and Profit

Cockroach Farming For Dummies:  The best way to raise a large colony of healthy roaches is to keep a cluttered home.  The roach colony enables this Trenton resident to clean her dishes without washing them

While browsing the web, I came across an article in Better Trenton Ghetto Homes and Gardens about roach farming.  The article stated that farming roaches in your kitchen was a shore fire way of getting rid of pesky houseguests that keep coming over to your place for dinner.  One look at your kitchen, and your unwanted company will be gone for good!.

Another benefit of having roaches is added protein in the diet.  Since they get in your food, you are guaranteed a dose of insect protein with every bite.  If you think that's gross, did you know that lobsters, crabs and shrimps, which are classified as crustaceans, are close relatives of spiders and insects.  So when you go to a fancy restaurant and order lobster, basically what you are getting a large insect that lives in the sea.  So save money on food and eat more roaches.

Additionally, having roaches in the home helps improve the health of you and your family.  When you run around with the can of disinfectant and reach for the hand sanitizer, what you are doing is creating a semi-sterile environment for you and your family.  That means when you come in contact with something that's dirty and germy, your body has no resistance to it and you get sick.  The best way to avoid this problem is to live in filth.  Our ancient forebearers in the stone age, whether they lived in caves or in trees, had minimal sanitation.  Studies of modern stone age tribes in the jungles of Brazil and in the South Pacific indicate that individuals live quite healthy lives until they enter their late 60s.  It is at that time that most tribe members die of infectious disease.

So live like a savage.  Don't clean your house and avoid death by cancer and heart disease.  Die of germs instead!

I hope you figured out that this is an attempt at satire.  I got the idea when I was spraying the home of a person who I know who happens to have a clutter problem.  That's a good way of getting a roach problem.

The stuff I used works pretty good.  It was made by BASF, the company that manufactured the gas the Nazis used in the death camps.  That gas was nothing more than an earlier version of the BASF roach bomb.  Them krauts shore know how to make a good bug killer.  Kills roaches real good.

I used to work for American Cyanamid as a temp for a while back in the 1980s.  I learned that the Princeton research center was the place where they developed Combat roach products.  They actually had a room there where they raised roaches under optimal conditions.

Today, the American Cyanamid property which sits on Rt. 1 just north of the Quakerbridge Mall on the same side of the road is largely abandoned.  The farm buildings and fields are rented by farmers, but the labs and offices are empty.  The loss of another great source of jobs for Trenton.  I believe the last occupant of the property was BASF which also used it an an agricultural research facility.